The questions below about Sri Lanka, are from potential visitors. They were posted on a Sri Lankan Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Sri Lanka? I have never seen it rain in Sri Lanka on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see wild elephants on the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Colombo to Matara - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only hundred miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around Wanni in Sri Lanka? (Ireland)
A: So it's true what they say about the Irish.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Sri Lanka? Can you send me a list of them in Colombo, Galle, Kandy, Kurunegala, Matara and Anuradhapura? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Sri Lanka? USA)
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Sri-Lanka is that small island south of India in the Indian Ocean. Sure, the hippo racing is every Thursday near Diyawanna Oya. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is Jaffna? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Sri Lanka? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Heard Brian Adams and MLTR were in SL. Can you send me the entertainment schedule? (USA)
A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Thursday by the Diyawanna Oya straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Sri Lanka? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Colombois milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Try Arrack instead.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Sri Lanka who can dispense Ratlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Sri Lankan snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Sri Lanka, but I forget its name. It's a kind of huge animal that are dressed and taken in pagents. (USA)
A: It's called an Elephant. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Sri Lanka? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Sri Lanka? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in the Western Province where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Germany)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs in Negombo.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Sri Lanka? (Italy)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Sri Lankain 1999 on R+R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in an apartment at Liberty Plaza. Can you help?(USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Try the eigth floor at the same place.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (Germany)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Life
That which you can do, or dream you can, BEGIN it. Boldness has Genius, Power and Magic in it. Goethe
Harder the Struggle
...we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly:it is dearness only that gives every thing its value.~Thomas Paine (1737-1809), U.S. patriot and writer~
Wise Men Three..........
Hear ye all this tale from past ages
Where once we ruled as wise old sages
Many a moon we traversed the scripture
In faith we sought a clearer picture
Of promises made to prophets of old
Of the Root of David that angels foretold
Our mission did not end in vain
We found the missing link in the chain
With hearts of gladness we set out
Gold and incenses we carried without
Led by heavenly wonders bright
We searched for our king day and night
Our journey did not take us to Rome
It did not end b’neath a palace dome
Away from the city, in a manger bare
Midst shepherds who had gathered there
That night with weather cold and mild
We bowed and knelt to the Christ child
Three and thirty years later
In spirit before Calvary’s alter
We gazed in awe at the Son of Man
Whose blood for sinners freely ran
With anguished cry He died there
Our Saviour King beyond compare
His sojourn in death did not last
An empty tomb was in the past
A risen Jesus, the Lamb divine
Walked this earth many a time
We worshipped him with disciples eleven
As Christ ascended into heaven
Past two thousand years of time
The light He brought still glows and shines
Soon from the shadows we’ll emerge
With saints and angels we will urge
Sons of men the time is nigh
Await your King our God on high
Bethlehem’s plain once more will ring
And in the heavens the angels sing
As we herald the Prince of Peace
Across the earth their song shall ease
Glory to God on high and then
Peace on earth and goodwill to men
Where once we ruled as wise old sages
Many a moon we traversed the scripture
In faith we sought a clearer picture
Of promises made to prophets of old
Of the Root of David that angels foretold
Our mission did not end in vain
We found the missing link in the chain
With hearts of gladness we set out
Gold and incenses we carried without
Led by heavenly wonders bright
We searched for our king day and night
Our journey did not take us to Rome
It did not end b’neath a palace dome
Away from the city, in a manger bare
Midst shepherds who had gathered there
That night with weather cold and mild
We bowed and knelt to the Christ child
Three and thirty years later
In spirit before Calvary’s alter
We gazed in awe at the Son of Man
Whose blood for sinners freely ran
With anguished cry He died there
Our Saviour King beyond compare
His sojourn in death did not last
An empty tomb was in the past
A risen Jesus, the Lamb divine
Walked this earth many a time
We worshipped him with disciples eleven
As Christ ascended into heaven
Past two thousand years of time
The light He brought still glows and shines
Soon from the shadows we’ll emerge
With saints and angels we will urge
Sons of men the time is nigh
Await your King our God on high
Bethlehem’s plain once more will ring
And in the heavens the angels sing
As we herald the Prince of Peace
Across the earth their song shall ease
Glory to God on high and then
Peace on earth and goodwill to men
Potential
"If you want to reach your full potential, you must be willing to pay the price of full preparation. It doesn't take much time or effort if you are willing to settle for less than you can be. There are no credible shortcuts available if you want a quality education, or, for that matter, if you want to achieve any other worthwhile goal."
Mystery
"the mystery is this - the more you go beyond yourself, the more you will become your true self; the more you lose yourself in loving and serving others, the more you will find yourself; the more you keep company with those who suffer, the more you will be healed." - Bishop of London at Diana's memorial service
Ignorance
Ignorance breeds monsters to fill up the vacancies of the soulthat are unoccupied by the verities of knowledge.~Horace Mann~
Monday, August 10, 2009
In A Moment - By Rudo Nyangulu
It is in the last moment of life;
As the final curtain begins to close,
That we see the truth of who we are,
The frailty of our station whether rich or poor,
The irrelevance of the 98% of the mundane things we filled our days with;
The irreversability of a life spent in the obligatory rudiments of day to day,
In a life-less manner masquerading as a true calling --
It is in this raw moment of self realisation,
That the hopes and dreams of tomorrow flash before our eyes
As we find ourselves wondering how we are to prepare for what comes next,
Or rather realise we have failed to prepare.
You see, what comes next was never part of that 98%
And the remaining 2% was reserved for denial or self recrimination or both,
Without any reactionary change coming through;
As a result of who we became acquainted with in the mirror of our souls...
This is the moment when we realise that all that glittered was not gold
When our lives are revealed as having been filled with ridiculous cleché's,
The kind that would be unsuitable for anything more than to be forgotten,
Our lives along with them...
In this final moment of self revelation,
We consider how the end would have been different
Had we opted to take the road less traveled --
The road leading to our Creator,
Our hope
Our SALVATION
As the final curtain begins to close,
That we see the truth of who we are,
The frailty of our station whether rich or poor,
The irrelevance of the 98% of the mundane things we filled our days with;
The irreversability of a life spent in the obligatory rudiments of day to day,
In a life-less manner masquerading as a true calling --
It is in this raw moment of self realisation,
That the hopes and dreams of tomorrow flash before our eyes
As we find ourselves wondering how we are to prepare for what comes next,
Or rather realise we have failed to prepare.
You see, what comes next was never part of that 98%
And the remaining 2% was reserved for denial or self recrimination or both,
Without any reactionary change coming through;
As a result of who we became acquainted with in the mirror of our souls...
This is the moment when we realise that all that glittered was not gold
When our lives are revealed as having been filled with ridiculous cleché's,
The kind that would be unsuitable for anything more than to be forgotten,
Our lives along with them...
In this final moment of self revelation,
We consider how the end would have been different
Had we opted to take the road less traveled --
The road leading to our Creator,
Our hope
Our SALVATION
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